I seem to have spent a lot of time in Italy grieving.
I've been grieving for me because of the loss of a job that I loved. It was important to me to get something back from my job, something for my heart and spirit - not just for my bank account. Working in a Montessori high school offered me that in spades.
I've been grieving for my kids. I took them away from their friends. I took them away from the Montessori learning environment that was so important to them.
I've been grieving for the Athena community. With the closure of the school I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out and I worry for the students, the staff and the families who have gained so much from their involvement over the years.
I've been grieving for my friend and for her family. A life wonderfully lived, now ended.
I've been grieving for a way of life lost because we moved to Italy.
But - I've decided it is time to start looking at the half full glass, time to get over myself and time to move on.
So here is what I am grateful for -
I am grateful that I am no longer under such incredible stress at work. I've actually been able to get off the migraine prevention tablets and have only had two migraines since finishing with the meds. I no longer live on antacids or antidepressants.
I am grateful my kids are making friends with children from so many different countries, cultures and ethnicities. I am glad they have a chance to learn new languages, with purpose. I am glad that they can experience a different way of learning and also learn to appreciate what they had at Athena.
I am grateful that Athena ever was - and so pleased to have ever had the chance to become involved. I'm also glad I was not at Athena when it closed - it was hard enough to cope with from here. It would have been even more personally devastating to have been there in that moment. I am glad I learned so much about myself from my involvement. I am glad that others may have learned lessons too that will allow the next Athena to flourish. I am grateful to hear from old students how Athena helped them and strengthened them. I am thrilled that my friend may get to do something way less stressful but just as rewarding.
I am grateful to have known and worked with Debbie. I am honoured to have called her a friend.
And I am especially grateful to have this new opportunity in life - a life in Italy. I have joined a local gym club and now go to Pilates classes once a week and a Latin dance workout class once a week. I have got back to quilting and I'm currently working to complete a hand appliqué quilt that I haven't touched in 15 years. I'm working on two other quilt designs. One quilt has been inspired by the art of an ex-student, and one inspired by my own art. I'm working on a painting.
I'm working on learning how to be me. I've spent much of my life valuing myself by how much others valued me. I have always been very good at giving of myself but lousy at admitting the need for help - or accepting it. I can't bear for other people to think that I am somehow not good enough or not able to cope.
I'm grateful that I am taking the time to learn to accept my faults and to stop beating myself over the head constantly with them. I still have a long way to go with this! I am learning how to put myself first sometimes. I'm still struggling with this too!!
I am grateful that I have the time to do things for me.
I am grateful that I have so much to looking forward to;
- exploring Italy and Europe
- visiting family and friends in Europe and the UK
- studying art history
- getting fitter and healthier
- developing my painting, quilting, book making
- learning new craft skills
- seeing Michelangelo's work up close!
- making new friends,
and most of all...
- having friends and family to stay
So - when are you coming to visit????
